Emerging into the Early Autumn Light

Somewhere, an invisible wheel has turned full circle. We are on firmer ground now, but in a different place.

This has been a week of blessed weather, with the trees shimmering green and gold in the early October light. An anticyclone has been hugging these islands, but is now drifting slowly away to Scandinavian shores.

Is it too fanciful to think that the forces that control our emotions are in some way similar to those that govern the weather? Sometimes, a palpable tension can build up in our relationships that needs a storm to burst upon it to clear and reinvigorate the air. That was how it was last week with Mum. A crisis built up over her refusal to consider having help from Social Services on the days I go out to work - combined with her truculence over the fact that I sometimes need to leave her at home alone. I have truly felt trapped between a rock and a hard place.

Thank goodness for family. Mike and Sue are willing to drive all this way to cover for me three days each week and Mum is making visibly more of an effort to display a little independence. I know the situation is more complicated than these few words suggest, but I don’t feel I can go into it any more at the moment.

Dark Days

Et in Arcadia ego, indeed! A stark reminder of our mortality has intervened with Mum's illness. A visit to the out-of-hours GP on Saturday 4th led to immediate admission to the Emergency Assessment Unit at the hospital and an eleven-day stay in the Acute Medical Ward. She was discharged on Wednesday, but is still very weak and having to spend her days in bed.

The worst times for me when she was in the hospital were quiet times at home, doing routine jobs. The solitude became very oppressive. Standing at the kitchen sink, looking out of the window at nature going about its business, I wanted to call to her. Knowing she wasn't there, I found my eyes filling with involuntary tears.

Anyway, she's back home now and we can try to pick up the threads of daily life again - with a heightened appreciation of the value of the shortness of the time we have together.

Touchdown in Arcady

Today seemed like a good day to jump (it's the first day of an August month). The weather has at last turned warm and settled. Planes drone lazily in our big Lincolnshire skies and enough has been achieved down here on Earth to take some time out. Et in Arcadia ego.